I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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