After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
