Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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