I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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