You made me cry and you don't even care
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
