You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
