he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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