stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
