Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
