I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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