You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
