I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
