yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
