So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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