your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I deserve this hangover.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
