and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
