a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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