Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
