we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
