i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
