Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
