Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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