my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize