Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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