11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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