I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
