Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
