Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
