i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
