What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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