i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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