I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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