i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So vagazzling was a success
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
