just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
