Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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