I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
