i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
