I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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