I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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