my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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