It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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