Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
