I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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