Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
