How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
