Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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