it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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