Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
