i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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