What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
