Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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