walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
