barbara walters just said penis...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just gargled with NyQuil
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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