im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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