i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
