My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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