i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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