Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
