Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize