you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i dont even know how to be here
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The power of my boobs compel you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
