I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
