Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
