I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
