Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
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i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.