I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!