imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
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I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.