She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??