Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
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I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?