you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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