You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
