So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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