I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
