I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
